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Tuesday, August 8, 2017

MILO, THE SHIT BIRD



Oh SHIT, man!" said Jerry. "Something just went SPLAT on top o' my head."

Ben looked up. He heard the flutter of wings and a strange otherworldly cackle.

Jerry said, "What the hell was that, man?"

Ben stared at him, deadpan. "I think you've just been hit by Milo, The Shit Bird."

"Milo The Shit Bird...wha-?"

Ben fished around inside his lunch pail to find a paper napkin for  Jerry--the glob of excrement perched atop his buddy's hair growing more pungent by the moment. "He's legendary in this neighborhood. I know the people who used to own him. He's a Myna bird...they kept him in a cage most of the time, and he made it clear to them he wasn't happy with that arrangement. Then one day when they were cleaning his cage, he saw his path to freedom. Took off out the front door that had been left partially open. Ever since, folks around here have reported that they've been crapped on out of the blue--literally out of the blue--because he hovers over them and then it's bombs away, like he was the Enola Gay or something."

 "Geez," said Jerry, who was a poet. "That's kinda poetic justice. Taking it out on random people. He sees them as the oppressor."

"There's some inspiration for you, Jer," said Ben. "You could immortalize Milo, The Shit Bird in a poem."

"It is poetic when you think about it, man. We keep animals in cages. And because we think that's all right, we put people in cages too. Rather than, you know, trying to heal them."

"Sounds like you want to write about-"

"Man's inhumanity to man."

That's a deep subject, but if anybody can pull it off, you can."

Jerry had just about finished wiping the poo out of his hair when the two of them heard the flutter of wings again in the tree they were perched beneath under the noonday desert sun. And before Jerry could duck out of the way...

SPLAT!

Milo, The Shit Bird had struck again. This time the cackling they'd heard before was accompanied by: squawk...ASSHOLE...ASSHOLE...squawk !

"Jesus H. Christ!" Jerry cried. "Why'd he pick on me...TWICE?"

Ben had to stifle a laugh. "He knows your a poet, dude. He knows you're sympathetic to his plight. The only one who could put into words what many of the rest of us are thinking. Poets have started REVOLUTIONS, man!"

Jerry rubbed his stubbled chin, lost in contemplation. 

Ben glanced at his watch. "Guess we better be gettin' back to work, and find you some shampoo and a faucet to stick your head under."

"Geez," said Jerry. "That kinda puts into perspective what my real job is..."

 Ben closed up his lunch pail and gazed into the vast blue sky--the place where epiphanies that hit you like a water balloon chucked by some nasty middle school kids on a rooftop come from. He started off across the park. He turned back to see Jerry looking pensive and glassy-eyed. "You comin' man? he said. 

"Yeah...sure...I'll be along. I just got a lotta shit on my mind."

"Yes, my friend, I CAN SEE THAT!" 

"The world will know the saga of Milo, The Shit Bird!  First, an epic poem, then a children's book..."

Jerry was prancing around, shouting into the wind. Though just downwind of him was where you really didn't want to be. 











38 comments:

  1. 😂this is a good story/poem😂

    Have a nice day

    Much love...

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  2. This is excellent!❤️ Love the humor and the message conveyed :D ""He knows your a poet, dude. He knows you're sympathetic to his plight. The only one who could put into words what many of the rest of us are thinking" ... sigh.. oh yes!❤️

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  3. So glad you enjoyed it, Sanaa!

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  4. This poem reminds me of the behaviour of a certain shit bombing Greek type who is anti feminist, a misogynist, a Trump supporter and fancies himself more of an intellectual peacock than a bog ordinary myna. MY you have brought out the hostile in me:)

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    1. Well, a number of people could fit that description! But Greek...maybe he's an Australian Greek, eh?

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  5. O...so your poem was not about Milo Yiannopoulos. He is a notorious right winger from the UK who is banned everywhere.

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    2. At first I didn't recognize the name, then I realized that yes, I have seen an interview with him....but I really had no human in mind when I wrote this. Milo is a bird...a dirty bird...of course, for Yiannopoulos, if the shoe fits, wear it--lol

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  6. To Milo or not to Milo, that is the (unimportant) question ... What is important though, friend Tim, is this: "When a bird sh.ts on your head, that means good luck for you." ... smiles ... Love, cat.

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    1. An old Gypsy proverb, no doubt...hey, where's my watch???

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  7. Replies
    1. Yes...it's got layers...and there's fudge inside !!!

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  8. Oh we poets think a lot of shit don't we? Love this!

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    1. Not only thinking shit, but talking shit as well :)

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  9. Why does this leave me feeling a sense of responsibility? Better get cracking on that revolution.

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    1. Maybe because it was designed to do that--lol

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  10. It can happen. Poor bird, kept in a cage, someone needs to pay....

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  11. Funny story. I hope Milo lives long and prospers.

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  12. Love the humor behind this story. Yes, one gets bombed in a million to-one-chance. It is most unlucky!

    Hank

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  13. What fun, and great to have a reason to smile today.

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  14. Nice story. If that myna was a crow it would know who to target and not do it randomly. It would even tell other crows about those guys.

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  15. Marvelous, on every level. Manages to be meaningful and funny. Love that combo.

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  16. My take home message: deny others freedom and pay the price --- the proverbial shit hitting the head. In fact is it possible to deny others their freedom without taking a slice out of our own humanity? Great story, great moral.

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  17. Fun story! Go Milo!

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    1. Yes, go Milo. Just make sure you target someone else :)

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